I Know, I Know

Just a quick thought:

I have come to realize that exactly what I expected would happen, is happening. I am so frazzled that I neglect to take my weekly belly photos on the actual day I turn over.

I am making a promise to myself that tomorrow will be that last time I photograph late. This project is important to me and important to posterity.

If I get behind, please nag me till I get it together. I need some form of accountability.



***Since the few minutes since I posted about gaining weight, I decided to indulge in 1/2 the brownie I was given at a church luncheon. Yeah, I need mental help.

The Glory Days Are O-vah!

It happened.

I finally gained some weight.

4 pounds! Yikes! I'd better slow down. I don't understand-I'm not even 14 weeks yet so I'm not considered 2nd trimester. I thought gaining weight in the 1st trimester was a major no-no?

I need to slow it down! I've been eating pretty well but I suspect not often enough. Thus, time to tweak my diet even further. I keep fixating on having to get rid of the baby weight on top of the other weight I desire to shed and I get overwhelmed so I really need to fixate on gaining low and slow.

Wish me luck?

So, Where's All This Great Sex You Guys Rave About?

Let's talk "pregnancy sex." I have heard lots of women tell me it is a glorious time filled with multiple orgasms and unicorns and fairy dust.

If I'm being real, I will admit it has been over a month since we had sex. The first part was due to the spotting issues, and then life threw me some emotional curve balls from which I had difficulty recovering.

And you know what? I'm not in the mood. The only time of day I feel queasy is in the evenings, and I'm pretty much a blob.

I am really hoping that as I progress into the second trimester, my libido makes a return.

It is not my intention to turn into one of "those couples." You know the ones? They have sex so infrequently that it becomes a habit. A sexless marriage is not a habit I want.

I owe myself and Rob more than that.

Huh.

So I was chatting with my mom and mentioned a friend was thinking of hosting a baby shower for me in May. She got a sour look on her face and asked why May was chosen. I explained that I need to be able to fly, etc. and with the blood clotting issues I was doubtful I could do so in the summer, closer to my due date.

She crinkled her nose again even though I confirmed I was happy with the month.

Then she asked if it would be in TX or CA and I explained CA since I don't know anyone (literally) in TX.

More nose wrinkling.

I was sort've shocked at her reaction so I asked, incredulously, 'So were you not planning to go?'

She proceeded to count the months til May and the just shrugged her shoulders.

I can't lie-I'm hurt.

My dad is stoked for his first grand baby but short of lecturing me, my mom hasn't shown much interest. I know she has other (important) things on her mind but... I feel slighted.

I feel like since she showed such a negative reaction that if she suddenly decided she wanted to come, I wouldn't even be into it because I would feel like she was going against her will or for the wrong reasons.

I'm not really pregnant enough to be thinking of showers or registries but considering the amount of work that would need to go into coordination, it is prudent to think on the most basic level.

Hopefully I am reading into it all wrong and this is all in my head. I'm doubtful but I can hope. It really feels like my pregnancy (her first grand baby) is an afterthought. I'm over feeling that way. From today forward, I am going to rejoice and celebrate and give myself the attention I obviously won't be getting elsewhere. I am lucky to have people who are interested and who do want me to feel special so I am choosing to focus on those warm feelings.

Blugh. I am so over myself. Hopefully it is the pregnancy hormones because my last couple of blogs are bumming me out and I don't want to turn into a whiner. Nobody likes a whiner. Time to put on my big girl panties and move on.

The One Thing I Miss

I wanted to be pregnant for so long, that I'm pretty much grateful for any symptom I experience. A lot of people speak of what they miss during pregnancy. I will happily give up lunch meant, seafood and alcohol but there is one thing I really miss:

Pooping.

Sorry. I had to go there. I have tried lots of fruit, vegetables and even probiotics.

Nothin'.

Short of eating an entire box of Raisin Bran in one sitting, I need some help.

Do any of you moms know what I can do to get the plumbing moving again? I almost cried on the toilet today.

What A Difference A Few Days Make!

I was still on the fence about getting the NT scan as of this morning but by the time I got around to showering it was a mere 3 hours prior to the appointment and since they are so hard to come by, I felt it would be inconsiderate and unprofessional to cancel so close to the appointment. I also chalked it up to another chance to see the Puerto Rican Jumping Bean.

Here is a picture of the baby sucking its thumb (it is more obvious on the hard copy):



Here is a picture of it waving:



Here is a picture of it kicking its feet:



The Puerto Rican Jumping Bean still vaguely resembled an alien just last Wednesday so it is miraculous to me how quickly it is looking like a "real" baby!

P.S. Can everyone please cross their fingers it doesn't get my nose? That would not be cute! Rob has a much better nose!

The Fetus With the Mostest

I have a confession: usually when people upload pictures from their ultrasound, I think the baby looks like either an alien or a blob. Well, mine has moved from the blob phase to the alien phase. Nevertheless, this is my journal and my friend Rachel said she wanted to see this sort of stuff. So! This is our baby. It did NOT want to be photographed (already like its parents!) During the ultrasound it did a somersault and was dancing. When it dances the arms and legs are very pronounced, unlike in this picture where it decided to curl into a ball. If you are like me and need some direction, the head is on the left (the alien-looking seed-thingy) and the four brightly-colored parts are its limbs.

To be noted-when the doctor showed us the baby, I yelled out 'It's our person!' and Rob was in such awe he literally said nothing. Men and women are so different!

12 Weeks

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 12 Weeks
Size of baby: The Puerto Rican Jumping Bean is the size of a large plum
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Down about 7 pounds.
Maternity Clothes: I bought one of those Be-Bands but it didn't work well so I am still using a hair-tye to keep my pants shut. Some still fit and I'm in no rush to buy anything.
Gender: Unknown (just the way I like it!)
Movement: If I lay flat on my back I can see my stomach moving and Rob has witnessed it, too.
Sleep: I'm a chronic insomniac, anyway, so the only change is that now I have to get up to pee on occasion.
What I miss: We are going to The Melting Pot for Valentine's day and I won't be able to have one of their Love martinis.
Cravings: First it was French toast, then Asian food.
Symptoms: Random growing pains that terrify me for the first thirty seconds. Plus, the Lovenox shots burn like poison!
Best Moment this week: Seeing the baby in all its healthy glory on our first ultrasound.


***This is not a good picture. I am actually wearing a sweater that is too large so it gives me credit where none is due. Plus, I am pushing my stomach out so you can actually see something under the tent of a sweater. Next time I will wear something more form-fitting. Oh! And Paris insisted on being in EVERY picture for some reason, which is odd considering she hates to have her photo taken. Therefore, I am holding my first baby while carrying my first human baby. I am a VERY non-photogenic person so I am posting this picture despite my reservations in hopes that 1. I will appreciate it when I am old and 2. I will be able to see my own beauty as I age and mature. Lastly, I was 12 weeks on Wednesday but just figured out how to upload pictures today.

A Conversation

The doctor to Rob: So, what do you do for a living?

Rob: I'm a mechanic.

The doctor: Oh, well, I fancy myself a mechanic of sorts, too.



**At least she maintains a sense of humor!

Nuchal Translucency Screening

Did you moms out there do the NT scan? I am really torn and need to decide by Monday because that is when I am scheduled to do it. Obviously I wouldn't be terminating if anything shows up, but my doctor said it is good to be prepared for what may happen during and after birth.

I would really, really appreciate your thoughts on this. I am literally on the fence about 60/40.

Miracles DO Happen

Remember yesterday's Heparin drama? Well, today a miracle occurred!

My doctor's office called and asked if I had already filled the prescription for Heparin. I explained that it was on order and that I was waiting. They told me to cancel it.

Apparently, yesterday the doctors were consulting on their day and the other doctor in their practice recalled that she had a patient who was on the same medicine but had delivered early. The other doctor procured for me her patient's leftover medicine.

Almost two months' worth of medicine.

This is a double miracle! 1. A random stranger donated $2,000 worth of medicine to someone she's never met and 2. it will last me almost till my new insurance kicks in.

I am humbled by her kindness and generosity. I intend to write her a thank you note and pay the good deed forward in my own way. I am also thankful to my doctor for going above and beyond for me. She only met me once but is doing all she can to make my life easier. When I went in to pick up the medicine she chatted with me and was rubbing my back-such a kind person!

So tonight I gave myself my first injection of liquid gold. The needle itself didn't hurt about but shooting the medicine in certainly burned. It's OK. I'll take the burn. I'm just so happy and thankful.

This was my daily reminder that God always provides.

On Heparin

Readers of my old blog know I have a blood clotting disorder. Here is a quick recap:

2007 travelled out of the country and returned with extreme swelling in my legs/ankles. Tested positive for DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis.) Admitted to the hospital but they could not locate a clot. Ob/GYN runs several DNA tests and tells me I am Factor V Leiden positive. Inform my brother's oncology surgeon of blood clotting disorder as a precaution; surgeon disavows my ability to test positive. I call my Ob/GYN and she sends me to a geneticist. The geneticist tells me my Ob/GYN is incorrect, that I in fact have MTHFR (Monday-Thursday-Friday Syndrome.) I call Ob/gyn and she proves her incompetency to me by claiming she never told me I was Factor V Leiden positive, and that she has no idea how I got to a geneticist.

Today was our first doctor's appointment. Squeeeeee!

we got to see our little Puerto Rican Jumping Bean. It was flailing its arms and legs all over and didn't want to be photographed but we got a couple of different shots. I am hesitant to post them here because I know when I've seen those pictures they look like an alien blob you can barely decipher so I don't want to waste your time.

My new doctor asked me how I knew I had MTHFR Syndrome. I told her the entire story. She said the treatment for both disorders is the same, but that the medical community is divided on what to do, if anything, in the case of MTHFR Syndrome. Some doctors do absolutely nothing at all. She said she takes a very aggressive approach and recommended I begin taking Levonox.

As you all know, I do not currently have insurance. Lovenox is $700/month. Could I afford it? Probably. Would it be smart? Not so much. Instead, I am going to be taking Heparin, which is $200 for a 25-day supply. I have to inject myself in the gut twice, daily.

Let me tell you, finding this drug has been a real task. Thankfully the tech at Wal-mart suggested we go to a compounding formulary in the next town over. They were able to call a supplier and will have it tomorrow.

Let's say the pharmacist didn't instill a lot of faith. His exact words were, "Well, Heparin used to be cheap. Then they had that massive recall. Now that it's been reissued it's more expensive."

Uh...recall? I have decided I will not be asking Dr. Google any questions about the Heparin, the recall, or potential effects to the Puerto Rican Jumping Bean. The doctor told me it was extremely safe, and that the alternative (a late-term miscarriage or other unique birth defects) was not something I'd want any part of. She also said she would've taken it while she was pregnant, and that she has MTHFR Syndrome, too (but didn't know till after she delivered-this syndrome is tricky and is either epically bad or not bad at all...I don't want to take the chance!)

I am really happy that I share the core beliefs of my doctor regarding birth! I felt respected and cared for.

Lastly, much to my shock, I was 100% correct on my speculation for when I'd be due. Literally, to the day. Now we all know the Puerto Rican Jumping Bean will come on its own time, but I was shocked at my ability to pinpoint ovulation and do pregnancy math!

Tonight I will have Rob take my picture for anyone that wants to see my pregnant self!

Ahhh!

So I accidentally posted this on my other blog. Ordinarily this wouldn't be a problem since it is so vague except I haven't announced my pregnancy there yet! My first clue that I have a malfunctioning brain was when my label "pregnancy" didn't auto-complete. Yikes!

Well, here's the post in all its glory:

It Started With A Cookie

All I wanted was a peanut butter cookie.

I baked them but can't bring myself to eat it.

The heartburn, oh, woe is me, the heartburn.

Ouch!

I have lost 7 pounds due to some unfortunate family stress.

Plus, we have not been eating out due to finances and I have been trying to moderate my portions and eat a little better.

I couldn't figure out why my weight was going down but my gut was getting bigger. Some of this must be baby, even though it seems far too early. I thought the heavier you were the later you show. And, this is my first baby so I am double-y convinced that I shouldn't be showing.

The nurse I spoke with when making my appointment was trying to ascertain how far along I am (because pregnancy math is beyond my capability, mostly) and she thinks I am pushing the envelope on the 2nd trimester.

All this to say, all the information I have read doesn't explain if it is possible to have a mini belly, etc. And furthermore, my hips hurt REALLY bad. It feels like what I expect sciatica to feel like. It is impossible to get comfortable in bed and actually sleep. I have tried a long body pillow but it doesn't help much.

What do all you mommy's think?

The Insurance Saga

Previously I said I would be going to my first doctor appointment in February. This is no longer true. The good news, I will be going sooner. Allow me to explain.

When we got our COBRA paperwork it was only a couple of pages, nothing like the large packet I was expecting. Under the timeline it said we needed to join the plan by January 20th. I've gone over the papers several times and nowhere does it state that there can't be a lapse in coverage. What this means is that we would've needed to have been paying since the end of November.

We sent off our payment in January for services to start in February. Then we got a call stating that our payment would be applied towards December, AKA a month that has already passed and in which we would not be able to use services. The payments are $1,000/month and we would need to come up with January's on the spot as well as February's before the end of the month. That would, quite literally, financially cripple us for several reasons.

Time to look for Plan B.

There is a remote possibility we will be able to get onto Rob's insurance early if we pay the premium in full until which time he is eligible for the contribution.

I don't qualify for any type of aid.

So we've decided on a calculated risk.

Let it be known, I am not a risk taker. It is not in my blood. My personality rarely allows for it. I am a planner and that is all I can say to impress upon you how dire the situation must feel in order for me to take such a risk.

I called and Ob/GYN who will accept my insurance when it is activated. In the meantime I will be paying cash for my visits.

A lot of cash.

But, I need the care and the money is worth my peace of mind.

Plus, obviously, I don't have a lot of options.

I go for my first appointment and ultrasound on the 19th. It can't come quick enough. God willing everything will check out healthy. If not, then we will address Plan C. If you're so inclined, I would appreciate prayers for success with Plan B. A decision needed to be made and after much prayerful consideration, this seemed the best option. Even so, it's scary.

Heavy Sigh

The spotting came back with a vengeance. I'm really heartsick but trying to remember teh mantra: "let go and let God." When I'm up to it I will explain the massive problem I am having with insurance.

Tidbits

* Because of the spotting my paranoia kicked into overdrive and I insisted on taking three pregnancy tests. Best $10 I ever spent. I know you can miscarry and still test positive but I'm not letting my mind or Dr. Google freak me out.

* It's no secret I'm not a tiny waif. I've been really worried about getting super fat so I have been watching my food intake like a hawk. Aside from near-constant whole milk cravings, I'd say I'm doing well. I'm almost 10 weeks (I think) and haven't changed by even an ounce (I have tested this theory in the morning and evening, and on an empty and full stomach.) I don't need any food issue demons coming out of my closets.

* The best part of being poor is not having the money to give in to every food craving I have. I might sell the baby for some good Chinese or a hot wing!

* I will finally be able to go to my first appointment in February. I am hoping my husband can come with me, and that they trust my pregnancy math to allow me to schedule an ultrasound. I guess doctors don't like to do them till they've proved to themselves how far along you are.

That's all I got. I'm confident the theme of this blog is interesting only to me, or maybe to a few of my sympathetic mommy friends.

Hair from Hell

I don't want to jinx anything but the spotting is ten times better. What a relief!

Now, about my hair....

I have heard pregnancy changes your hair, but I am thinking it might be too soon for that. Except, if it is too soon, how can I explain the grease pit masquerading as my hair?

Y'all, my hair is gross. It rivals the spill in the gulf. Because I'm on a tight budget I switched conditioners from Redken to Pantene. Could the Pantene be the culprit? Millions of women use it so I am not convinced.

I see a lot of dry shampoo in my future!