Um, THIS

Deep Breaths

I haven't posted anything about the most joyous time in my life because I've been sidetracked with paralyzing fear.

After Christmas dinner I started spotting.

If you don't want the graphic details, stop reading now...

It was dark brown, not red, and there was only a slight amount. I had no cramping or pain.

Since I don't have COBRA yet I decided to try not to torture myself too much with Dr. Google. After some limited internet research and discussing it with the female experts in my life, I have decided to not agonize. There is nothing I can do, anyway. I didn't want to mention it to too many people because as most pregnant women will attest, you are barraged with Dooms Day info. Not what I want to hear.

I'm on self-imposed bed rest and otherwise feel really good, save for some evening sickness that is really quite mild.

J

My brother J is totally and completely enamored with me being pregnant. When Rob and I told him, he threw his arms around me in a giant hug and grinned from ear to ear.

Every day he rubs my belly (despite me reminding him it's still just chub!)

I really want to remember how special he makes me feel so that's pretty much what this post is about.

Each evening he quizzes me on what I've had to eat and drink, and I get frequent lectures on the proper care of his "nephew."

He has decided to buy a baby-sized ghee (because surely it will want to be a martial artist just like him, right?) He has also researched online all the things I should and shouldn't be eating, doing, etc.




***My other brother is happy for us, too, but he's a much more reserved person (just in case anyone was wondering why I left him out.)

Sadist or Masochist?

Here is the question I am pondering today:

Was the inventor of maternity tights a sadist or am I a masochist for wearing them?

Can't.Slow.Down

I'm one of those annoying types of people who are always rushing. Tardiness gives me great anxiety and Rob is constantly telling me to "slow down."

In the past it was fine to go like the Energize Bunny but this pregnancy is teaching me that I must slow down.

I've found myself getting winded really easily, and at least once a day it seems as though my body is screaming at me, "Too much, woman!"

I gotta get a grip...

The Sex

As of right this minute, I don't want to know the sex of our baby.

This could change, obviously, but it is something I feel strongly about.

I have caught a lot of heat about this from Rob. He is adamant that he must know. At the very least, he wants to know for our first.

For me, I feel there are very few surprises and miracles in life, and I'd like the person we're going to meet to be one of them.

Plus, I call BS on the whole "I just need to know for the first one."

You see, Rob desperately wants a son.

Desperately.

Maybe it is a man thing.

But, if it so happens that our first child is a girl, he will be dying to know the next time if he's going to get his son and the pressure will be on again to find out before the birth.

I haven't been to the doctor yet but I am confident I know when this child was conceived. According to the Chinese calendar it will be a girl. According to a silly psychic I met at a fair several years ago, my first child will be a boy. I don't put much stock in either of them, obviously.

I know that not knowing the sex in advance makes planning difficult but I am of the mindset that it is better to be economical and try to reuse as much baby gear as possible so buying neutral things is not a bad idea.

My brothers are begging for a nephew and my mom wants a girl. I know I won't be able to please everyone. I'd like a girl, too, but at the end of the day I only care about good health, bottom line.

Oh, and my dad is convinced there are two babies in there!

Terrific!

Of the very few people who know I'm pregnant, they're all asking the same things:

1. Am I sick?

2. Am I tired?

3. Am I having weird cravings?

The odd thing about pregnancy is that people come out of the woodwork with their horror stories. If I am to believe the hype, pregnancy is the very worst thing to happen to a woman and it is a miracle humans have progressed as a species because their is no answer to why we continue to breed.

Thankfully, none of the hype has pertained to me (yet.)

I feel terrific. I'm only slightly tired. Other than the requisite sore breasts, I have no complaints. The high I am getting off of being pregnant must mask all the crappy stuff or lessen it for me. If I'm suddenly hit with morning sickness or an aversion to all foods, I will just give thanks because countless other women long for this same thing I'm getting to experience.

Actually, I wouldn't mind an aversion to food because I could stand to lose a few pounds!

Scrooge No More

I'm known as a Birthday Scrooge of sorts. I never enjoy acknowledging my birthday and I'm not sure why. I think it has to do with the close timing of Christmas. I always feel like an imposition because people have so much on their plates. Moving on...

I was dreading 29 like the Black Plague but this little baby of mine has changed all that. I worried I'd be an old mom and my kids would resent me the way my brother resents my parents for being "old." I worried it would never happen. But now, I find myself rejoicing.

Constantly.

Getting pregnant becomes all-consuming and I just want to take this time and marinate in it. I just want to enjoy the specialness of my first baby with my husband. Like an engagement, this is a one-time event to bask in.

So today on my birthday, I am so very happy. No more Birthday Scrooge out of me!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Welcome.

I reserved this blog address almost three years ago after we were married in hopes of one day joining the ranks of Motherhood.

Yesterday I took a pregnancy test and this was the result:



It was nothing like what I expected. The night prior had seen quite a bit of drama, so I took it almost absent-mindedly.

My husband had said he wanted me to announce it to him in some grand manner, but after trolling the internet, I couldn't think of anything creative.

I told him in the garage.

I know, I suck.

Honestly? I wondered if it would ever happen for me. All my friends IRL are a bunch of Fertile Myrtles so when my husband was able to make eye contact with me without knocking me up, it gave me pause for concern. Online is a different story, though. I have seen so much fertility heartache. The very first thing we did this morning was venture out to a new church to give thanks to GOD for the ultimate blessing. With His continued grace we will welcome a new member of our family next summer.

At this point I am still mostly in denial but I will say this: I am grateful beyond words. Oh yeah, and: YIKES OHMIGAWSH HOORAY I'M SCARED!

P.S. Currently taking suggestions on a nickname for the offspring. It will need to be unisex because if I have MY way, we won't be finding out the sex.

P.P.S.S. Why yes, I am wearing two different shades of plaid. That's what happens when you live out of a box. Harumph. Don't judge, lol.