Ugh, Ugh, Ugh

Sometimes it is hard for me to recall what I have already shared, so please hang in there with me. For the sake of finances, I made the decision to stay on Heparin rather than switch back to Lovenox. Unofrtunately, many of my medical decisions have to be made based upon finances, to an extent. Heparin is a far inferior medication and it requires blood testing to monitor your platelets.

Today, the nurse called me out of the blue. She quickly blurted out that my platelet count was low and started to end the conversation. I was caught completely off guard. I stammered out, 'What?' and she replied that for now, the doctor didn't want to do anything other than re-test me in a month. The conversatin was very quick and I was left in shock.

If I'm being honest, because I wasn't expecting the call and because I don't know much about the topic, I didn't really ask any questions. I could kick myself for this.

Here is where things get bad: I made an epic error in judgement and turned to Dr. Google in hopes of determining some questions to ask when I go in on Tuesday. My doctor won't be present but I figured I could ask the nurse and she could have the doctor follow-up on anything she couldn't answer or if she felt the doctor should call me, etc.

I immediately emailed my MIL to ask if she had any questions I should ask. She replied that she thinks it will be OK and that my doctor is following proper protocol. That did make me feel better but I still feel like I should dig a little deeper.

I'm majorly concerned with flying for my baby shower, as flying is how my clotting disorder was initially detected. Ugh, I am so scared and worried. I feel like a schmuck for not asking better questions, such as the obvious, 'What was my number?'

Once again Rob and I had to have the conversation about what to do if something were to happen to me while pregnant. It is an ugly discussion but a necessary one. I am feeling very overwhelmed and frightened right now. My doctor called in some specialty heartburn medicine for me because the indigestion is just awful, and the medicine is not working (yet) so I'm even more on edge. If you have any to spare, would you send me some good thoughts and prayers?

A Letter

Dearest Heparin,

I should've known this whole blood thinner thing was too good to be true. I was so spoiled on the Lovenox-no burning, complications, no bruising. But Heparin, you are a cranky older sister.

I know you are tried-and-true, I know you save lives, I know! But you are a witch!

To quote my husband, it looks like "someone took a paintball gun to my gut!"

And yes, you sting. Don't you know that people don't like to be stung? It hurts!

And lastly, you are not aging well. Most newer medicines come with much more civilized methods of injection. Ever heard of a pre-filled syringe? Fighting your 70's era needle is tiring. The fear of a embolism caused by a rogue bubble has me hesitating to push the syringe.

My dear, God willing, our days are numbered. I appreciate what you mean to my health and that of my baby, but I will not miss you. I am thankful to have had you but will not miss you. The fact that you're chewing my platelets up only to spit them out doesn't bode well with me, either; I'm lethargic because of you!

Please don't consider me an ingrate. I am so grateful for all you're capable of...I just prefer my medicine to come from this century. See you again in June-I sure hope time doesn't fly!

In crankiness,

Casey