Warning: TMI Post

There's a saying I really like that floats around out there. I'm sure you've heard a version of it. It goes something along the lines of, "You plan, God laughs."

There are two reasons I had a c-section and both were equally important for me. The first being that I honestly didn't feel woman enough to deliver vaginally. The mere thought of a natural birth gave me an anxiety attack. No exaggeration.

The second reason was, I was hoping to avoid stuff like hemorrhoids. Yeah, well, I'd take only hemorrhoids over the other post-birth complications any day!

I, my friends, have a severe internal fissure. Why am I telling the internet this? Because hopefully it makes one other woman not afraid to go to the doctor, not afraid of the exam, or not afraid, in general, to talk about what happens after you have a baby.

A simple Wikipedia search returned some info, but it wasn't quite accurate for my situation. You see, my tear is internal. There is no exterior evidence. Basically, I have a rip in my muscle wall. The doctor said that it can take over a decade to heal because the area never gets any rest. Basically the skin covering the muscle can't be pulled taught if it is going to heal; rather, it needs to loosen up so a scab can form. Well, if you ever poop, the skin is pulled taught.

Everybody poops.

There, I said it.

I guess now this is a poop blog.

To be honest, I put off going to the doctor for months because I was so mortified over what the exam would entail.

It was over in less than a minute and was painless. The doctor treated me with total dignity and put me at ease. She was heaven sent! The other reason I avoided going was because I didn't want bad news (i.e. my brother's cancer) and I didn't want a colonoscopy.

Both reasons are foolish.

I have a child and i owe it to him to set a good example and take care of myself.

Anyway, treatment is not glamorous but what can ya do?

Please, I implore you, if you're having issues, please see someone.

And yeah, everybody poops.

Rough Week

So, last week was super sad.

This week won't be much better, and it stands to be a lot more stressful.

I am trying to help organize meals and the memorial service for my friend who passed. I really hope I can do well by her family.

In the midst of all that I have two doctor appointments I am absolutely dreading. On Wednesday I have to see a dermatologist to make sure whatever is on my face isn't skin cancer. On Friday I have to see a different specialist to make sure that I don't have colon issues of some sort. Fun! Not really.

If you're so inclined, please send some good vibes or prayers my way that I don't screw up what should be a special day to honor and celebrate my friend, and that my body isn't trying to tell me bad news.

Much obliged.

Awesome!

Just a quick "thank you" for all the great suggestions on meeting new people. Lincoln and I are taking a Kindermusik class in exchange for babysitting for the instructor (my girlfriend from church) and we had a lot of fun. Even being out of the house was nice!

Lincoln really loved the curriculum (as far as I could tell from a 9 week old, LOL) so we are going to look into Music Makers since we live literally next door to an LDS church. Nothing beats FREEEEE!

And of course, meetup.com and the library. The libraries here are gorgeous so I am hoping to get started on instilling a love of reading with Lincoln very soon.

Lastly, I have to address the issue of PPD. I definitely have that on my radar, especially given my prior history of depression. Thank you for gently reminding me that my feelings could be related to that.

I have awesome cyber friends/readers!

P.S. RIP Steve Jobs. I know this doesn't fit with the theme of my post but I seriously HATE cancer.

Dignity, Class and Grace

I was at the grocery store and kept finding myself on the same aisle as a woman and her two small children. I wasn't eavesdropping on her conversations but I did hear her say some very specific things to her children which I admired.

First, we met in the pasta aisle. Her son proceeded to tell her that he wanted to ditch soccer so he could go to ballet with his sister. His mom replied, "Well, you should know there won't be a lot of boys at ballet to make friends with. But, there are a lot of girls you can be friends with and ballet is really fun. Whatever activity you want to do is fine by me."

Then, we crossed paths again in the cheese department. The woman was talking with another shopper who had lost all of her hair, presumably from chemotherapy. The women parted ways but not before the son could begin questioning why the woman didn't have hair. I should note here, her son was very young, and not being derogatory in any way, just questioning the way a child would. So then the mom replies, "She has a disease that requires her to take special medicine. The medicine is what made her lose her hair. She is a very brave person and we are very proud to be friends with her!" The woman with cancer was still within hearing distance so she turned and replied, "Thanks for that; your answer made me feel good!"

I guess more than anything I liked that she answered on the spot and didn't put her kids off. She didn't discourage her son from a traditionally female institution and she didn't shy from discussing cancer, a disease which impacts most all people at some point or another.

Yup, parenting is scary!