I've been spoiled the last few years with some truly amazing friends. When I moved to Texas, I met even more amazing friends. As forewarning, this isn't a gripe about anyone in my life not doing enough for me so please don't think me an ingrate. I'm just...lonely.
My friendships here are different from what I am used to. The women I met here are loving, beautiful, smart, funny. Everything you would want in a friend. They love on me and my son and I am very thankful for them. But they're different types of friendships than what I had in California.
I miss the invites for lunch, laughing over a rare cocktail (I'm obviously not drinking now anyways, as I'm nursing, it's just the idea), I miss having other couples over for dinner and being invited over. It's harder for me to entertain here since I live with my family but surely if I were invited somewhere I would make an excellent dinner guest. A girl's night would do wonders for my spirit.
I want so desperately to acclimate but I must confess to being incredibly depressed. I don't want to be one of those needy, clingy people who invites themselves to things. And just as I had in California, I assume most of my friends have their long-standing inner circles and it is awkward to infiltrate. That's not to say anybody has been uninviting, it just becomes a matter of if it is a church activity, I am invited, but I don't get any invites for non-church stuff.
And really, my friends here bring a lot to my life and I don't expect them to be my entertainment committee. It really isn't about people not doing things for me, I'm just trying to communicate that I understand that most adults have different groups they socialize and sometimes it isn't often they mix. I don't want my friends to feel put upon and I don't want to invite myself to things.
Spending so much time indoors with Lincoln hasn't helped. I wouldn't change it but I do have some cabin fever. If I had few invites before, I have none now. Lincoln got an invite for a little friend's birthday party and even though I was in pain I busted my ass to make it there because I was so desperate for social interaction.
I just feel so sad. I'm starting a Kindermusik class with Lincoln this week and I will definitely try to find a mom's group on meetup.com but people have only had negative reactions to the mom's group idea thus far. Apparently the moms can be pretty clique-y. I know some women say they're closer friends with males but I am the opposite. I love female friendship/companionship. I just want someone to get a pedicure with or share a meal. I'm just going to try the groups and put myself out there, even if it turns out to be a bad idea. I figure I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I don't want the friends I do have here to feel burdened by me so it is imperative I find something else to occupy my friendship longings.
I just feel so sad and so lonely. It's crippling, really.
Part of my problem is I need to stop living in the past and remembering California. California is over and we live here now. Rob and I feel like we've been trying so incredibly hard to make friends that we must come across as desperate. Nobody wants to hang out with that! I just need to focus on making new friendships. Summer was practically awful for us because we had no invites for the 4th of July, the long holiday weekends, etc. One time someone invited us to their pool but otherwise we had not one BBQ, etc. We both have birthdays coming and I think we are not admitting to each other how depressed it makes us thinking we might not get to celebrate.
OK, time to get out of my own head and end this post. If you made it this far, you deserve a cyber cookie, LOL.