Rough!

Sorry for the unintended break. About a week before Christmas, Lincoln came down sick. He got progressively worse and needed to be hospitalized a few days before Christmas. We finally felt good for about a week, and then New Year's Day, things took another turn. Rob and I met with our realtor to look at homes and I had what I thought was a bad migraine the entire time. By the end of our appointment I could barely see straight. I went to bed early and woke up with terrible sickness from both ends. Ugh, sorry. Just keepin' it real here. Thankfully it seems to be (mostly) a 24-hour bug. I haven't thrown up in a day, and for that I am thankful. Vomiting is the absolute worst. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Now Lincoln has a nasty cold. I will not miss this season! And in other news...we put an offer in on our first house! Squee! Of course, the thought of that is enough to make me want to vomit, too! Ha!

Lincoln

I still desperately need a hiatus, but since I always promise an update on Lincoln and never deliver, I figured I'd share the photo that will be on his birthday invite. I can't believe he is already 11 months old!

Here I Am!

Man, it feels like forever and a day since I have posted anything over here. Lots of things have happened, in no particular order: * Rob's truck was totalled. He is taking it very hard. We are now down to one car and having to make some serious financial decisions. * I am now teaching classes that include CPR for infants and adults. I really enjoy it and am thankful for the opportunity. The one downside fo the job is that I am always worried I am not a good teacher. I don't know where the insecurity comes from other than I am an insecure person by nature. * I am debating on signing Lincoln up for swim lessons. Any thoughts? My mom is convinced he will get ear infections, and several other moms have told me it is a waste this young. It is literally not an option to not swim during summer here and I want him to know how to stay safe. Hmn.... * We took it upon ourselves to lower Paris's dosage on her anti-seizure medicine and she is back to being her spritely self again. I don't want her to have another seizure but her quality of lie is compromised beign so drugged out. * Lincoln is standing on his own for brief stints. Where did my tiny, squishy baby go? I promised to put a new picture up of him and now it is time for his quarterly photo to be taken again so I will just post one of those, probably. He is sooo cute!

Moms, Give Me Your Advice

Lincoln is 8.5 months old and does not sleep through the night. He has a bedtime routine and always goes to bed at the same time. On a good night he will wake up once, and then again for the day some time after 6:30. On a bad night he might be up several times.

In the past week I have allowed him to CIO if he has been up within the hour.

Generally speaking, CIO is not always a winner with him. I am learning that it works with some kids, not all, and that it is not to be relied on as a tried-and-true strategy for us.

Lately I am reading conflicting information from various doctors on when it is appropriate for a child to sleep through the night. I haven't asked my physician, but he was the one who told me to CIO to begin with so I am thinking that is what he might say. I have read from multiple sources that breastfed babies never fully sleep through the night till they are weaned.

When he only wakes once, I don't mind it too much. I know it won't be forever. I'm just not sure how I feel. He is stirring as I write this and he has been down for a mere hour. I read an article last week where the physician author said that babies do not have coping skills prior to 9 months so basically you're just hoping they wear themselves out.

I know I have sought advice on naps before, and we are doing better in that department, but I would really like to know what other nursing moms have experienced. (I know formula babies burn their food off slower.)

12

Every time I try to sit down and blog, Lincoln throws a fit. The way I see it, he is my "employer" and I owe it to him to tend to him and entertain him, so....blogging takes a back seat.

The title of this post is a reference to my pant size. Halellujah! I haven't been a 12 since I got married. And by golly, I vow to keep losing more weight. Yes, I did just spill the beans to the internet about my pant size. No shame here! (All the shame is in regards to my previous pant size. Sigh.)

I will post a picture of Lincoln this week. I can't believe he is already 7 months old. Where did the time go??

Oh, and he is finally sleeping in his own room. It was a painless transition. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was sick of rooming with us. He has adored his fancy-schmancy mattress since day one. He is sleeping for long stretches, too. My sole complaint is that he won't sleep in there for naps, or if it is light outside. I am debating spending the money on blackout curtains, per his pediatrician's recommendation. My concern is he will then be accustomed to only sleeping in the pitch black. I am constantly worried about starting bad habits. Sigh. (Again.)

Love to you all!

A Week in Hell

I have decided that we can immediately cease torturing terrorists and prisoners of war with traditional methods like water boarding. Instead, we can employ them to sleep train infants using the Cry It Out (CIO) method.

Prior to having children, I felt that CIO was inhumane. One week into the process, I still feel that way. Except, I don't know if it is worse on Lincoln or myself. He and I could easily get into a pissing match over who is suffering more! But then, I also feel conflicted....

I have suffered from chronic insomnia since I was 10 years old. It would be nightmarish for me to envision passing along bad sleep habits to my son. Sleep is vitally crucial to not only physical health, but mental health as well. Mom after mom after mom has told me that CIO is vital to teaching a baby to self soothe and become a strong sleeper. My pediatrician also recommends it.

On the other hand, I was reading a study on trauma and it said that even though you don't have memories from infancy, any time something traumatic happens (such as being left to cry with little to no interaction, especially if you're scared) the information is stored in your middle brain (amygdala.) This is important because scientists believe the information stored in the amygdala is what forms your personality. I don't think CIO will turn Lincoln into a future serial killer but I want him to feel safe, secure and loved.

I will be the first to admit, I have a mess on my hands. My mom seems to think I created the nightmare myself, but that is because she is a conspiracy theorist who doesn't believe in Lincoln's diagnosis of reflux disease (even as someone who suffers from it herself...but that's a whole 'nother Oprah!) Let me explain....

Lincoln never screamed his head off in pain from having reflux. We discovered he had it because he would barf and barf and barf some more. We're not talking a little but at a time, either. He has needing to eat constantly because he couldn't hold down enough food. We have tried various medicines and dosages, but part of the alternative treatment plan is that he needs to be burped for a minimum of twenty minutes and he has to sleep elevated.

The elevated sleeping is where we have encountered trouble. For the past couple of months he has slept in a bassinet that essentially leaves him in a sitting position. He has been an excellent sleeper since 6 weeks but started reverting to early infant cycles, waking every 1.5-2 hours. At first I thought it was a growth spurt but then I determined he was not able to sleep comfortably in his special bassinet. Additionally, babies need to sleep in cribs so they can wriggle and move as part of their motor development, something that can't happen when you're being squished to sleep.

Also, we are travelling later this month and I don't want to torture our lovely hosts with a baby who won't sleep because he doesn't have his bassinet, etc. I decided to transition him to a pack 'n' play for nighttime and his crib during the day. Thus far, he has decided his crib is entirely off limits. He cried for close to 70 minutes one day, which lead me to caving and picking him up so my neighbor wouldn't call CPS. There also seems to be a problem with the ducting going into his room so it is exceptionally cold. I need to have the landlord send someone to fix it but I haven't been too worried since sleeping in the pack 'n' play is priority for our trip.

I am torn about whether we have made any progress. I started with a wedge under him for elevation, but he would wind up sideways or upside down, which is not helpful. I took the wedge out but now he seems to cough on bile almost every night and sometimes it wakes him up. While he will sleep in there, he absolutely will NOT nap in there. And the longest he will sleep is four hours. So much for sleeping through the night at 6 months! I am not sure if the fact that he is breastfed is part of the problem, since he burns off the milk fast. I don't feel I am producing enough but formula is out. Rice cereal before bed hasn't helped. His frequent wakings have led me to put him in his swing at about 4 a.m. so I can get a solid two hour stretch of rest before conquering my day. This is a bad habit made worse by the fact that he is outgrowing the swing.

When we return from California he will be 6 months old and he will be sleeping in his crib, come hell or high water. The time is now. I do not want to "ruin" him and I need some more sleep for myself, even if it means a long trek to the nursery for frequent feedings.

I'm very frustrated. Please send encouragement.

Busy, Busy!

Lincoln has his first cold. He was up all night congested so neither of us got much rest.

I have been working for my mom since last week. We have managed not to kill one another so I'd say that constitutes a success! I spent one day working alongside a man with Aspberger's and he was a delight! He sang along to every Christmas song on the radio, told me all about Jesus and fawned over Lincoln. I learned a lot from him!

I got our Christmas cards ordered but I still need to make my way to the post office to buy postage and get Lincoln's Santa picture taken. I will never forgive myself if I worked like a mad woman to get the cards ordered, only to send them out late.

We had a light dusting of snow the past two nights so I am limited on when I can bring Lincoln out. I ordered a canopy which helps prevent the wind taking his breath away, and I also have this fleece Sherpa thingy. Both drive him crazy and I feel bad since he already despises riding in his car seat but I'm not about to let him freeze. I'm watching the news as I type this and they're reporting that following this past winter's disastrous lack of preparation for snow clearing, two counties actually bought snow plows. Too bad we don't live in either of those counties, lol. Maybe they will be nice and loan them out? Ha!

Time to catch up on all of you guys in my Reader! Ciao!

Yuck!

I guess I take a long time to learn certain lessons.

Time after time, if I am rushed or feeling inconvenienced while out and about, I will try to feed Lincoln formula. It never, ever ends well. Never.

This last time, Lincoln didn't poop for two days, and when he finally did, he was miserable and uncomfortable ALL DAY. The results were...pretty epic. Poor baby! I need to just surrender to his needs and stop what I am doing and nurse him. His second breakfast of the day is during the time we are usually in church on Sundays so I have been relegated to sitting in the nursing "closet" which sucks but is bearable. I really wish they had a chair in their with arms, but the bright side is that I am working on my arm muscles!

Anyway, all this to say, I need to take my cues from Lincoln and work on my stubbornness. No more forcing the formula issue!

Texas State Fair 2011

My parents treated us to the Texas State Fair. I have to say, it didn't live up to my expectations. Granted, is was several times larger than the one I'd attended for years in California, but I think it was too hyped up. These pictures are simply awful, but, they're better than nothing! Since we only went for the food, here is a recap of what we ate:

Fried corn
Fried s'mores
Fried brownies
Brisket tacos
Chicken fried bacon
Frozen Arnold Palmer
Bratwurst
Deep fried margarita (actually, that was only my aunt as I don't consume tequila, ever.)
Rib sandwich (dumbest concept ever, BTW)

The Big Orange Pumpkin Farm

Since Lincoln is still so tiny, we didn't trick-or-treat (obviously) but I did want him to wear a costume to document his first Halloween. I wanted to get him a costume, but to be honest, we have some financial hurdles and there isn't much money to go around to buy one. So! He wore a more age-appropriate "costume" AKA glow in the dark pajamas! Our pumpkin experience was a far cry from what we were used to in California. The extent of our "patch" was usually in the parking lot of the local mall, or Target. Ha! The culture shock never ends around here... This was an actual farm. We rode on a hayride, ate a hot dog and interacted with animals that far exceeded a petting zoo. The owners of the farm are geniuses. For the price of your admission you get a hot dog and feed for the animals. If you visit on a weekday you also got a small pumpkin. They have devised a way to get you to pay directly for their animal feed. Smart business model! Anyway, here are some photos of our day:

3 Months! Wow!

I can't believe my beloved Lincoln is now three months old! He is truly the love of my life! He "talks" up a storm and loves to shove his hands in his mouth. He is right on track develpmentally and I couldn't feel and more blessed to call him my son.




How did my little peanut get so big? Time is flying way too fast! And to think, it all started with the best day of my life:



Here he is at two months, too:



And just for fun, here is what Lincoln really thinks about his monthy photo shoots (or really, any photo I try to take!):

On Bed-Sharing

I jokingly mentioned in my last post about how "awful" bed-sharing is and thought I might elaborate a bit.

I don't actually think it is awful. In fact, Lincoln has slept in our bed quite a bit. I have read all the statistics, I know of all the dangers, and I actually fought the good fight against having him sleep with us, but in the beginning he did spend quite a bit of time with us.

Now, first and foremost, women have been sleeping with their babies since, well, ever, so I know that there is a primal urge for some of us to have our babies close. Secondly, Lincoln is breastfed; according to my research, babies who are bottle fed aren't supposed to bed-share because they are deeper sleepers (or something like that) and less likely to wake when in a precarious sleeping situation.

I am an incredibly light sleeper and if he so much as sighs in his sleep, I wake up. This holds true as he sleeps in his bassinet every night, too. It is actually problematic in terms of me getting consecutive rest, but I'm simply not interested in putting him in his nursery yet. We will be following the American Academy of Pediatrics' recommendation to keep him in our room till he is six months old.

For the majority of the time he slept in our bed, he was in a Nap Nanny. Now, I am sure if someone from their company stumbled upon this post they'd lose their $#!t because the Nap Nanny clearly states it should never be used in a bed. But! With the Nap Nanny between us, there was literally no way in hell it could've tipped over and spilled our most precious contents. It's supposed to be used on the floor but there is no way I'd put my baby on the floor.

Lastly, we never use linens that could smother him, etc. Our bed is a king and Lincoln and I are far sequestered from Rob so I feel it is safe. At this point, because of his reflux, Lincoln doesn't do well sleeping flat so he only comes to bed to nurse when I need a nap during the day. Frankly, I don't sleep well when he is in bed with us because I sleep in a position to shelter and accommodate him, so my back and arms hurt quite a bit. All this to say, we don't bed-share now because it isn't restful, not because I think it is truly awful. OK, there's my peace about that.

What's Been Going On 'Round These Parts?

Not much to report on around here. We are still doing Kindermusik class and Lincoln seems to love it. He has had extreme acid reflux today so we are on outfit number two, bib number two, etc. I messed up his medicinal syringe somehow and ended up spraying him and me with Prevacid. Disgusting, lemme tell ya!

My aunt is in town visiting, which is nice. She has helped me tremendously with Lincoln and it is nice to get a little break. He slept in our bed last night because after the third attempt at putting him in his cradle, he simply wouldn't cooperate. I know, I know, "bed-sharing is the devil." Whatever. LOL.

If i haven't commented on your blog lately, I'm sorry. I've barely even been able to read. Lincoln is a lot more alert now and spends a lot more time awake so I have to entertain him. He has decided sleeping is for wussies. He has barely napped allllll week and whereas he has always been an excellent sleeper during the night, he suddenly doesn't care to rest.

Question for the moms out there who live in colder weather: how do you keep your baby warm at night without a blanket, but without over-heating them? Last night it was 47 degrees so I put on a fleece jumper (it was very thin but very soft and snuggly) and I put a onesie on underneath it. When he sleeps in bed with me I don't use blankets/linens for obvious reasons but he did have a little bit of sheet covering his feet. When I changed his diaper during the night his feet felt really warm. We didn't turn on the heat because indoors it was 67 degrees and the nurses said to keep the temperature between 68-72 for SIDS prevention. His cradle is on the side of the room where the windows are so there is a slight draft and I am not sure what to do if it gets colder or snows like it did last year....

Awesome!

Just a quick "thank you" for all the great suggestions on meeting new people. Lincoln and I are taking a Kindermusik class in exchange for babysitting for the instructor (my girlfriend from church) and we had a lot of fun. Even being out of the house was nice!

Lincoln really loved the curriculum (as far as I could tell from a 9 week old, LOL) so we are going to look into Music Makers since we live literally next door to an LDS church. Nothing beats FREEEEE!

And of course, meetup.com and the library. The libraries here are gorgeous so I am hoping to get started on instilling a love of reading with Lincoln very soon.

Lastly, I have to address the issue of PPD. I definitely have that on my radar, especially given my prior history of depression. Thank you for gently reminding me that my feelings could be related to that.

I have awesome cyber friends/readers!

P.S. RIP Steve Jobs. I know this doesn't fit with the theme of my post but I seriously HATE cancer.

Blecht

Man, that gallbladder surgery was rough. For further proof that our health care system is completely twacked, they discharged me after my surgery without the option to stay. I thought it was a simple procedure and had no qualms about that until they got to the part where they told me they re-wire your liver to your intestines. Yeah, if you're removing one organ and messing with two more, you should monitor the person for more than an hour afterwards.

I look and feel like I was rode hard and put away wet. Mr. Lincoln hasn't gotten the memo yet to not kick me. And, unbeknownst to me, one of the four incision sites is your bellybutton. Let me just share this conversation with you so you can adequately grasp what things look like post-surgery:

Me: Hmn, that's odd, I thought there would be four incisions?

Rob: The fourth one is in the area formerly known as your bellybutton.



Yeah....my stomach looks awesome after pregnancy, a c/s and now a second surgery I can't pronounce the technical name of. Don't look for me in a bikini any time soon!

Lincoln has been extremely stressed out by not being able to nurse. He never had a problem taking a bottle before but now it infuriates him. He doesn't understand why I am in the room but don't hold him, or why we are all giving him a bottle when my boobs are in the room, too. Each time I try to lay down with him he attempts to root and it is heartbreaking to watch. Therefore, for his sake I have stopped taking the pain meds cold turkey. I am in a lot of pain but I feel his needs should come first. The pain meds all carried warning that while "technically" safe, they can cause such sever sluggishness that I need to monitor him to ensure he doesn't stop breathing. Um, yeah, not gonna happen. Besides, how can I monitor him if they make me sluggish, too? So, I'm just gonna tough it out. My doctors were all shocked at how quickly I quit the pain meds after my c/s so I figure I can do it a second time and live to tell about it.

If you still have your gallbladder, take a quick minute to stop and thank it for doing its job, LOL!

Flack

I am about to share something with you for which I have caught a lot of flack. In fact, "a lot" is an understatement.

My son has never left the house except for doctor appointments.

Not once, in eight weeks.

We haven't stopped briefly into a Target or gone out to eat. We haven't window shopped the mall or purchased groceries.

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

I tell people that I am a germ-phobe and hopefully it makes them laugh. This is not actually how I view myself but I try to lighten the mood, knowing full well what is likely to come. If I speak the real reason, it seems to invite a debate or negative, unsolicited opinions.This is another one of those issues that seems to divide people, but I don't know why. We're all just doing the best we can, right?

The reason I haven't taken Lincoln out is because he was not vaccinated until this week. When I explain to people that I fear him contracting something while we are out in heavily populated areas, they seem to take personal offense. A few kind souls have commiserated with me, and even more have assured me they are current on their own vaccinations, which is a friendly gesture. But really, many people have been insulted.

Particularly at church, a lot of friends have told me I am wrong to not bring Lincoln to church or other places. Someone told me that "God wouldn't allow anything bad to happen at church." To that I say, 'Hey, he gave us free choice. He won't compel anyone to wash their hands after they poop or make sure they get their TDAP.' My own husband doesn't have health insurance and it cost us a small fortune to have him vaccinated for whooping cough and I can't expect everyone else to make those sacrifices, especially if they don't have children of their own.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard, "You need to expose him to people and stuff to build his immune system" I'd be rich. This statement is only partially true. Yes, you do build an immunity to things from exposure. However, Lincoln is breastfed, therefore I pass antibodies to him based on my own exposure to those things. Also, your immune system doesn't stop producing antibodies so whenever he IS exposed to things after his immune system has had a chance to mature, he will still process them. It's not like he has a small window in which to be exposed to things before he will no longer be able to overcome them. I am simply not interested in risking exposure to things unnecessarily.

Lincoln's doctor also told me, in the hospital, that he prefers babies not to venture out before two months. After initial vaccinations, he prefers you avoid heavily populated places during peak hours. For example, shop the mall on a Tuesday morning not a Saturday afternoon. Obviously quarantining a child will be more difficult if there is an older, say toddler, in the mix, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it. For now we are cautiously venturing out. Lincoln's doctor is not a quack. He has excellent credentials and through discussions with him, I am confident he keeps up to date on the most recent data and findings on various issues. I pay him for his expertise, yet that answer doesn't satiate some "moms with experience." Apparently their own experiences supersede my own or his medical training.

Lincoln will still get sick like any other person; it is ludicrous to think I can protect him from "everything" as someone suggested I was trying to do. However, I can still be prudent and diligent trying to control certain things. We are big hand washers here, for example. I would rather he fight the flu at 1 year as opposed to 1 month, for obvious reasons. I can see people labeling me "crazy pants" with their eyes as they inquire to Lincoln's whereabouts but I am fine being labeled a loon. A snarky label is a small price to pay for trying to do my part to ensure my child's good health.

I guess I am writing this blog because I find it mildly irritating that people think I am somehow harming my child by not taking him out before he was vaccinated. The fact is, were he to contract something for which he was not vaccinated, the mortality rate is not good. These diseases are so life-threatening that they found a way to make a vaccine; they're not simple maladies such as a cold. When I see a week-old baby in the grocery store I don't stop and tell that mom I think she is insane in the membrane. Rather, I keep walking and respect her right to make decisions for her own child. Who am I to piss in her Cheerios? I did my own research on vaccines and consulted with his physician before I even consented to him being vaccinated, period. In particular, I did NOT consent to the initial treatments prescribed for newborns in the hospital so in some respects he is behind in treatment. That was my choice. At the end of the day, if something were to go wrong, I would need to live with my decision. I remain flabbergasted that people have the gall to comment on other people's parenting decisions in this way, and I know there is no end in sight. I had heard of this phenomenon prior to his birth and I am dismayed it is so true. If someone engages me in discussion I will certainly speak my truth but otherwise I butt out.

So, here is me soliciting your opinion: am I a Looney Tune for sequestering my child till he was vaccinated? You can speak your truth, I can handle it! ;)

To Nap Nanny or To Not

My pediatrician recommended we get a Nap Nanny to help with Lincoln's reflux. I was all set till I saw there had been a recall. I am fine with the safety of the new models (I think) but I don't like that it needs to sit on the floor. Try as I might to keep a tidy room, things have fallen to the wayside with little sleep and even less time for chores. Plus, we have pets. I don't typically allow my dogs in our room, and when I do they stay in one spot, but still...It's one thing to encourage his immunity to allergies with exposure to pet dander and it is another to have him sleeping mere inches from it, ya know?

So, if you had a Nap Nanny did it work out for you? I am desperate with this reflux situation. I thought it was getting better but now it is back to being pretty bad. We are trying a new medicine but I'm not keen to pump my infant full of drugs and I want a natural remedy. Even with burping him for twenty minutes and keeping him upright, he almost always vomits in his bed at night. Poor baby! And while I am at it, anybody know where to get the good burp cloths? Ya know, the super thick, old-school ones? We do A LOT of barf remediation up in here!

Oh, The Reflux!

As I mentioned earlier this week, I took Lincoln to the doctor for projectile vomiting. Thankfully, we were able to rule out Pyloric Stenosis, which runs in my family. I don't want to minimize his condition, but I am thankful it wasn't this.

Lincoln has reflux.

He has it bad.

He is in a lot of pain and we waste a lot of Liquid Gold (AKA breast milk.)

We are taking some disgusting medicine twice a day and implementing other techniques such as feeding at an angle, sleeping at an angle, pretty much living at an angle. Oh, and we have to burp him for a minimum of twenty minutes a day. Talk about making a night feeding drag on even more!

I still maintain I am thrilled it was not something worse. My girlfriend's baby had Pyloric Stenosis mere weeks ago and it require surgery. How she survived the fear of her newborn requiring surgery is beyond me, but she has my respect for her strength!

I have reflux as an adult so it breaks my heart to see him screaming in pain from the acid in his throat. If you're so inclined, please say a prayer or send a warm fuzzy for my baby!

The Obligatory Post About Breastfeeding

Since breastfeeding completely consumes my entire day, I began to feel a push to share my experience. Before I do, I want to acknowledge that breastfeeding is a polarizing topic. For my part, I have no idea why. Each mother is responsible for making the best decision for her infant. Breastfeeding is best for my baby. If it wasn't best for your baby, I, for one, am not judging you. Promise.

Moving on...

Prior to Lincoln's birth, if I am being honest, breastfeeding creeped me out a bit. Not because I viewed breasts as exclusively sexual, but because it seemed awkward and intrusive. Maybe I was scared of the intimacy? I can't quite pinpoint it except to say I was never frightened of the work involved, only of the interaction. That said, I decided I was going to try my best to nurse my son.

My decision was made based upon the health benefits Lincoln receives such as antibodies, but also for the bonding and health benefits for myself. Nursing has helped me lose weight, but it is also thought to thwart certain cancers such as breast and ovarian cancer. With my brother having had cancer, the thought of not utilizing this free opportunity outweighed any fears I had.

As soon as he was put to my breast immediately following surgery, Lincoln latched. The nurse even remarked on what a good latch it was. For those not in the know, a baby's latch plays a HUGE role in the success of breastfeeding. A bad latch is painful, frustrating and counter-productive.

The hospital I delivered at has a full-time staff of Lactation Consultants and one visited with me every single day of my stay. Even though he had a good latch, there were growing pains the first three days. Despite what the experts in breastfeeding class said, my colostrum was not enough to satiate his appetite. Additionally, even with his good latch, finding a comfortable position and lack of experience lead to some extreme frustration on both our parts. The wicked nurse I mentioned in his birth story also must've felt frustrated because the reason I had her removed was because she manhandled Lincoln onto my nipple, causing it to tear and bleed. Unacceptable. It IS true that if you're doing it right, breastfeeding should not hurt.

I was also frustrated because Lincoln needed formula to be supplemented his first two days with formula and I was terrified of the nipple confusion some babies experience. I also refused a pacifier but he would return from the nursery with one in his mouth. I have discussed this with my pediatrician and he has explained that babies either have nipple confusion or they don't. You won't know till you see which type of baby you get. Blessedly, Lincoln does not have that problem. He has been taking a bottle since we were in the hospital. I began leaving him home with my mom so I could run errands starting at two weeks, and he takes a bottle for her with ease. Praise Jesus! LOL!!! Also, unbeknownst to me, breastfed babies have a more difficult time battling jaundice, which Lincoln did. In the case of jaundice, formula is better (the explanation is long but I will elaborate if anyone really wants me to.)

Trying to nurse him comfortably has been my biggest issue. When he was first born, the football hold worked just fine, and really helped alleviate any pressure off my tender stomach. By the time we got home, that position was not working for us. The Lactation Consultants were helpful but it took my mom situating Lincoln and literally helping maneuver my breast for us to get it right. We now nurse most often with him laying on my lap. Many women raved to me about how wonderful it is to nurse while laying in bed but I find it extremely difficult to get comfortable.

All that said, I would say nursing has been incredibly easy for us. I have had no problems with my supply, and Lincoln is thriving and gaining weight. I have taken several pictures of him nursing so I can remember the special times. What once made me uncomfortable, now brings joy to my heart. I love to watch my son nurse. My inhibitions are gone. My biggest complaint is nipple sensitivity both while nursing and when not. Again, it is not painful, just uncomfortable.

I heard a lot of horror stories prior to attempting breastfeeding but I am glad I stuck it out despite my concerns. If it was intimacy I feared, I now relish it. I am the sole source of nutrition for my son and I am proud during his weight checks to know my body provided for him adequately. Another favorite Casey of mine desperately wanted to nurse but couldn't, documenting her struggles in great depth; my heart breaks for her over that. I am thankful everyday that it worked out for us the way I had hoped.

I didn't invent the wheel by trying to nurse, but if any of you need support or encouragement, I would be happy to provide it. Having an extremely easy c-section and easy time breastfeeding have taught my a lot about not letting my fears take over. I have learned important life lessons about not worrying about the unknown.

In closing, the only downside worth mentioning is the commitment. There is no place I'd rather be than nursing my son, but it IS a massive commitment. we nurse more hours of the day than we don't. In there I try to find time to pump, too,so that I may leave the house on occasion. No easy feat, lemme tell ya!

1 Month Old!

Where on Earth does the time go? Lincoln turned one month on the 26th! At his doctor appointment they said he was 20 1/4 inches long and 8 pounds, 11 ounces, which is a decent growth from his birth (6 pounds, 11 ounces and 19 1/4 inches.)


He thinks he can hold a bottle himself:



He finally fell asleep after that epic night when I tried to photograph him at 4 weeks old and all he'd do is scream:



This is on his actual month-birthday. I know people don't like crying shots but I think it is adorable!:



He's like, "You lookin' at me?":



Lastly, just because it is my blog and I can, here is my cute son: