Here I Am!

Man, it feels like forever and a day since I have posted anything over here. Lots of things have happened, in no particular order: * Rob's truck was totalled. He is taking it very hard. We are now down to one car and having to make some serious financial decisions. * I am now teaching classes that include CPR for infants and adults. I really enjoy it and am thankful for the opportunity. The one downside fo the job is that I am always worried I am not a good teacher. I don't know where the insecurity comes from other than I am an insecure person by nature. * I am debating on signing Lincoln up for swim lessons. Any thoughts? My mom is convinced he will get ear infections, and several other moms have told me it is a waste this young. It is literally not an option to not swim during summer here and I want him to know how to stay safe. Hmn.... * We took it upon ourselves to lower Paris's dosage on her anti-seizure medicine and she is back to being her spritely self again. I don't want her to have another seizure but her quality of lie is compromised beign so drugged out. * Lincoln is standing on his own for brief stints. Where did my tiny, squishy baby go? I promised to put a new picture up of him and now it is time for his quarterly photo to be taken again so I will just post one of those, probably. He is sooo cute!

Rough Week

So, last week was super sad.

This week won't be much better, and it stands to be a lot more stressful.

I am trying to help organize meals and the memorial service for my friend who passed. I really hope I can do well by her family.

In the midst of all that I have two doctor appointments I am absolutely dreading. On Wednesday I have to see a dermatologist to make sure whatever is on my face isn't skin cancer. On Friday I have to see a different specialist to make sure that I don't have colon issues of some sort. Fun! Not really.

If you're so inclined, please send some good vibes or prayers my way that I don't screw up what should be a special day to honor and celebrate my friend, and that my body isn't trying to tell me bad news.

Much obliged.

Sad Day

A friend of mine died this morning.

She got sick and then within a day she was gone.

Her daughter is in preschool and her son is in kindergarten.

I can't begin to fathom the loss for her husband and sweet babies.

Sometimes life just doesn't make sense. I know it isn't for me to understand, or anyone for that matter. It is just such a heartbreaking tragedy.

Today is a sad day.

12

Every time I try to sit down and blog, Lincoln throws a fit. The way I see it, he is my "employer" and I owe it to him to tend to him and entertain him, so....blogging takes a back seat.

The title of this post is a reference to my pant size. Halellujah! I haven't been a 12 since I got married. And by golly, I vow to keep losing more weight. Yes, I did just spill the beans to the internet about my pant size. No shame here! (All the shame is in regards to my previous pant size. Sigh.)

I will post a picture of Lincoln this week. I can't believe he is already 7 months old. Where did the time go??

Oh, and he is finally sleeping in his own room. It was a painless transition. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was sick of rooming with us. He has adored his fancy-schmancy mattress since day one. He is sleeping for long stretches, too. My sole complaint is that he won't sleep in there for naps, or if it is light outside. I am debating spending the money on blackout curtains, per his pediatrician's recommendation. My concern is he will then be accustomed to only sleeping in the pitch black. I am constantly worried about starting bad habits. Sigh. (Again.)

Love to you all!

5 Months Post-Partum

So, here I am a little more than 5 months after birthing Mr. Lincoln. I had a doctor's appointment today to follow up with an issue I am having following his delivery. I need to see a specialist, which sucks donkey balls, but my doctor said she feels it is very unlikely I have cancer, despite my brother's history. Cancer is what I was fearing so I am glad for that.

The good news is, I am 22 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. I started off a fatty so I won't go too far and say I am rockin' a hot bod or anything, but I am pleased nonetheless. Thank you, breastfeeding! So, with the 17 pounds from pregnancy and the extra 22, I would say it is nice to have a few more options in the wardrobe department. I can fit into a 14, which is nice. I can also wear size Large and wear a few things from the juniors department, which hasn't seen me in many years. I still have a small ton of weight to lose, but I am one of those people with a sensitive milk supply so I have to be careful on going too hard for the sake of feeding Lincoln.

Before I had Lincoln, I didn't get what women meant when they said pregnancy changed their shape. Of course, I thought I did, but until that baby has exited your body, you never truly know what you're in for. My shape is very different. I still have too much "back fat." And to quote Caroline Manzo, I feel like "Eight pounds of sausage in a five pound casing." I can't really blame my c-section for my "mother's apron" because as I stated, I was a fatty beforehand.

Maybe I will have Rob photograph me when he gets home so I can document the transformation I am undergoing?!? I love to see people post those types of things but I don't want to come across as obnoxious. What do you guys think?

Most important of all, since Lincoln is starting foods, Rob and I need to set a good example for eating healthfully. We aren't buying junk food anymore. I will still bake, as it is a personal passion and I still feel treats have their place. It's just that my self control (or lack thereof) and willpower are pretty weak, and dessert doesn't belong with every meal (sob). We owe it to Lincoln to start him off on the right track. if he decides as an adult to eat poorly, at least I will know we did our part.

Flirty Thirty

On December 17th I celebrated my thirtieth birthday! Contrary to what I expected, I didn't agonize over the looming milestone, I didn't turn introspective and if I am being honest, I barely thought about it other than casually in passing over the days leading up to it. I truly thought I would be a hot mess about it but I wasn't. If I may say, I was proud of myself for holding it together! Ha!

I think it all boils down to being grateful. I have been blessed with everything I ever longed for, truly. There was a time in my life when I never thought marriage and a family would be a reality for me. But now, I have both.

Rob threw me a surprise birthday party with some of my Texas friends at my favorite local restaurant, a small French patisserie. It was very glamorous and I was so thankful! He organized a tasting menu with assorted gourmet pizzas, crudites, calamari, etc. He also arranged for a variety of cupcakes, all of which were delicious.

This is going to sound braggadocios but I also received several amazing gifts! My parents got me some fabulous earrings and Rob gifted me with a 5 carat light amethyst. The ring is seriously insane. I can't seem to take a picture that does it justice but for the sake of sharing my extreme glee, here is a picture:



On my actual birthday we hosted a benefit for a family we adopted through our bible study at our house. No better way to celebrate life than by giving back to others, right? Here are some shots from my birthday celebrations:

Busy, Busy!

Lincoln has his first cold. He was up all night congested so neither of us got much rest.

I have been working for my mom since last week. We have managed not to kill one another so I'd say that constitutes a success! I spent one day working alongside a man with Aspberger's and he was a delight! He sang along to every Christmas song on the radio, told me all about Jesus and fawned over Lincoln. I learned a lot from him!

I got our Christmas cards ordered but I still need to make my way to the post office to buy postage and get Lincoln's Santa picture taken. I will never forgive myself if I worked like a mad woman to get the cards ordered, only to send them out late.

We had a light dusting of snow the past two nights so I am limited on when I can bring Lincoln out. I ordered a canopy which helps prevent the wind taking his breath away, and I also have this fleece Sherpa thingy. Both drive him crazy and I feel bad since he already despises riding in his car seat but I'm not about to let him freeze. I'm watching the news as I type this and they're reporting that following this past winter's disastrous lack of preparation for snow clearing, two counties actually bought snow plows. Too bad we don't live in either of those counties, lol. Maybe they will be nice and loan them out? Ha!

Time to catch up on all of you guys in my Reader! Ciao!

Lonely

I've been spoiled the last few years with some truly amazing friends. When I moved to Texas, I met even more amazing friends. As forewarning, this isn't a gripe about anyone in my life not doing enough for me so please don't think me an ingrate. I'm just...lonely.

My friendships here are different from what I am used to. The women I met here are loving, beautiful, smart, funny. Everything you would want in a friend. They love on me and my son and I am very thankful for them. But they're different types of friendships than what I had in California.

I miss the invites for lunch, laughing over a rare cocktail (I'm obviously not drinking now anyways, as I'm nursing, it's just the idea), I miss having other couples over for dinner and being invited over. It's harder for me to entertain here since I live with my family but surely if I were invited somewhere I would make an excellent dinner guest. A girl's night would do wonders for my spirit.

I want so desperately to acclimate but I must confess to being incredibly depressed. I don't want to be one of those needy, clingy people who invites themselves to things. And just as I had in California, I assume most of my friends have their long-standing inner circles and it is awkward to infiltrate. That's not to say anybody has been uninviting, it just becomes a matter of if it is a church activity, I am invited, but I don't get any invites for non-church stuff.

And really, my friends here bring a lot to my life and I don't expect them to be my entertainment committee. It really isn't about people not doing things for me, I'm just trying to communicate that I understand that most adults have different groups they socialize and sometimes it isn't often they mix. I don't want my friends to feel put upon and I don't want to invite myself to things.

Spending so much time indoors with Lincoln hasn't helped. I wouldn't change it but I do have some cabin fever. If I had few invites before, I have none now. Lincoln got an invite for a little friend's birthday party and even though I was in pain I busted my ass to make it there because I was so desperate for social interaction.

I just feel so sad. I'm starting a Kindermusik class with Lincoln this week and I will definitely try to find a mom's group on meetup.com but people have only had negative reactions to the mom's group idea thus far. Apparently the moms can be pretty clique-y. I know some women say they're closer friends with males but I am the opposite. I love female friendship/companionship. I just want someone to get a pedicure with or share a meal. I'm just going to try the groups and put myself out there, even if it turns out to be a bad idea. I figure I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I don't want the friends I do have here to feel burdened by me so it is imperative I find something else to occupy my friendship longings.

I just feel so sad and so lonely. It's crippling, really.

Part of my problem is I need to stop living in the past and remembering California. California is over and we live here now. Rob and I feel like we've been trying so incredibly hard to make friends that we must come across as desperate. Nobody wants to hang out with that! I just need to focus on making new friendships. Summer was practically awful for us because we had no invites for the 4th of July, the long holiday weekends, etc. One time someone invited us to their pool but otherwise we had not one BBQ, etc. We both have birthdays coming and I think we are not admitting to each other how depressed it makes us thinking we might not get to celebrate.

OK, time to get out of my own head and end this post. If you made it this far, you deserve a cyber cookie, LOL.

Tomorrow

I will post some my weekly pictures and an update from my fabulous church baby shower. Today? Today I need to decompress and get my act together. Someone please hold me accountable to post my picture(s) if I should happen to fail because it will hurt me in the long-run to not have the memories and I sort've need a jolt to snap out of my funk!

I Just Couldn't Do It

This cold has really given me a run for my money. I simply couldn't take my belly photo last night. I will try later today if I ever get around to showering. I just feel gross! A shower will help, lol.

Tonight Rob is supposed to be taking me to a hockey game but we got into an argument earlier so I don't know.... There is a lot of stress living with my family. Sometimes it all just feels like too much to me. My husband is my first priority, always, but that can be difficult to convey when family is the "opposing" side, ya know? I do know it was very, very hard on me living with his family so I can empathize more than he realizes.

I am hoping my entire day today is an actual April Fool's joke. Yuck.