A Week in Hell

I have decided that we can immediately cease torturing terrorists and prisoners of war with traditional methods like water boarding. Instead, we can employ them to sleep train infants using the Cry It Out (CIO) method.

Prior to having children, I felt that CIO was inhumane. One week into the process, I still feel that way. Except, I don't know if it is worse on Lincoln or myself. He and I could easily get into a pissing match over who is suffering more! But then, I also feel conflicted....

I have suffered from chronic insomnia since I was 10 years old. It would be nightmarish for me to envision passing along bad sleep habits to my son. Sleep is vitally crucial to not only physical health, but mental health as well. Mom after mom after mom has told me that CIO is vital to teaching a baby to self soothe and become a strong sleeper. My pediatrician also recommends it.

On the other hand, I was reading a study on trauma and it said that even though you don't have memories from infancy, any time something traumatic happens (such as being left to cry with little to no interaction, especially if you're scared) the information is stored in your middle brain (amygdala.) This is important because scientists believe the information stored in the amygdala is what forms your personality. I don't think CIO will turn Lincoln into a future serial killer but I want him to feel safe, secure and loved.

I will be the first to admit, I have a mess on my hands. My mom seems to think I created the nightmare myself, but that is because she is a conspiracy theorist who doesn't believe in Lincoln's diagnosis of reflux disease (even as someone who suffers from it herself...but that's a whole 'nother Oprah!) Let me explain....

Lincoln never screamed his head off in pain from having reflux. We discovered he had it because he would barf and barf and barf some more. We're not talking a little but at a time, either. He has needing to eat constantly because he couldn't hold down enough food. We have tried various medicines and dosages, but part of the alternative treatment plan is that he needs to be burped for a minimum of twenty minutes and he has to sleep elevated.

The elevated sleeping is where we have encountered trouble. For the past couple of months he has slept in a bassinet that essentially leaves him in a sitting position. He has been an excellent sleeper since 6 weeks but started reverting to early infant cycles, waking every 1.5-2 hours. At first I thought it was a growth spurt but then I determined he was not able to sleep comfortably in his special bassinet. Additionally, babies need to sleep in cribs so they can wriggle and move as part of their motor development, something that can't happen when you're being squished to sleep.

Also, we are travelling later this month and I don't want to torture our lovely hosts with a baby who won't sleep because he doesn't have his bassinet, etc. I decided to transition him to a pack 'n' play for nighttime and his crib during the day. Thus far, he has decided his crib is entirely off limits. He cried for close to 70 minutes one day, which lead me to caving and picking him up so my neighbor wouldn't call CPS. There also seems to be a problem with the ducting going into his room so it is exceptionally cold. I need to have the landlord send someone to fix it but I haven't been too worried since sleeping in the pack 'n' play is priority for our trip.

I am torn about whether we have made any progress. I started with a wedge under him for elevation, but he would wind up sideways or upside down, which is not helpful. I took the wedge out but now he seems to cough on bile almost every night and sometimes it wakes him up. While he will sleep in there, he absolutely will NOT nap in there. And the longest he will sleep is four hours. So much for sleeping through the night at 6 months! I am not sure if the fact that he is breastfed is part of the problem, since he burns off the milk fast. I don't feel I am producing enough but formula is out. Rice cereal before bed hasn't helped. His frequent wakings have led me to put him in his swing at about 4 a.m. so I can get a solid two hour stretch of rest before conquering my day. This is a bad habit made worse by the fact that he is outgrowing the swing.

When we return from California he will be 6 months old and he will be sleeping in his crib, come hell or high water. The time is now. I do not want to "ruin" him and I need some more sleep for myself, even if it means a long trek to the nursery for frequent feedings.

I'm very frustrated. Please send encouragement.

5 Months Post-Partum

So, here I am a little more than 5 months after birthing Mr. Lincoln. I had a doctor's appointment today to follow up with an issue I am having following his delivery. I need to see a specialist, which sucks donkey balls, but my doctor said she feels it is very unlikely I have cancer, despite my brother's history. Cancer is what I was fearing so I am glad for that.

The good news is, I am 22 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. I started off a fatty so I won't go too far and say I am rockin' a hot bod or anything, but I am pleased nonetheless. Thank you, breastfeeding! So, with the 17 pounds from pregnancy and the extra 22, I would say it is nice to have a few more options in the wardrobe department. I can fit into a 14, which is nice. I can also wear size Large and wear a few things from the juniors department, which hasn't seen me in many years. I still have a small ton of weight to lose, but I am one of those people with a sensitive milk supply so I have to be careful on going too hard for the sake of feeding Lincoln.

Before I had Lincoln, I didn't get what women meant when they said pregnancy changed their shape. Of course, I thought I did, but until that baby has exited your body, you never truly know what you're in for. My shape is very different. I still have too much "back fat." And to quote Caroline Manzo, I feel like "Eight pounds of sausage in a five pound casing." I can't really blame my c-section for my "mother's apron" because as I stated, I was a fatty beforehand.

Maybe I will have Rob photograph me when he gets home so I can document the transformation I am undergoing?!? I love to see people post those types of things but I don't want to come across as obnoxious. What do you guys think?

Most important of all, since Lincoln is starting foods, Rob and I need to set a good example for eating healthfully. We aren't buying junk food anymore. I will still bake, as it is a personal passion and I still feel treats have their place. It's just that my self control (or lack thereof) and willpower are pretty weak, and dessert doesn't belong with every meal (sob). We owe it to Lincoln to start him off on the right track. if he decides as an adult to eat poorly, at least I will know we did our part.

Flirty Thirty

On December 17th I celebrated my thirtieth birthday! Contrary to what I expected, I didn't agonize over the looming milestone, I didn't turn introspective and if I am being honest, I barely thought about it other than casually in passing over the days leading up to it. I truly thought I would be a hot mess about it but I wasn't. If I may say, I was proud of myself for holding it together! Ha!

I think it all boils down to being grateful. I have been blessed with everything I ever longed for, truly. There was a time in my life when I never thought marriage and a family would be a reality for me. But now, I have both.

Rob threw me a surprise birthday party with some of my Texas friends at my favorite local restaurant, a small French patisserie. It was very glamorous and I was so thankful! He organized a tasting menu with assorted gourmet pizzas, crudites, calamari, etc. He also arranged for a variety of cupcakes, all of which were delicious.

This is going to sound braggadocios but I also received several amazing gifts! My parents got me some fabulous earrings and Rob gifted me with a 5 carat light amethyst. The ring is seriously insane. I can't seem to take a picture that does it justice but for the sake of sharing my extreme glee, here is a picture:



On my actual birthday we hosted a benefit for a family we adopted through our bible study at our house. No better way to celebrate life than by giving back to others, right? Here are some shots from my birthday celebrations:

Busy, Busy!

Lincoln has his first cold. He was up all night congested so neither of us got much rest.

I have been working for my mom since last week. We have managed not to kill one another so I'd say that constitutes a success! I spent one day working alongside a man with Aspberger's and he was a delight! He sang along to every Christmas song on the radio, told me all about Jesus and fawned over Lincoln. I learned a lot from him!

I got our Christmas cards ordered but I still need to make my way to the post office to buy postage and get Lincoln's Santa picture taken. I will never forgive myself if I worked like a mad woman to get the cards ordered, only to send them out late.

We had a light dusting of snow the past two nights so I am limited on when I can bring Lincoln out. I ordered a canopy which helps prevent the wind taking his breath away, and I also have this fleece Sherpa thingy. Both drive him crazy and I feel bad since he already despises riding in his car seat but I'm not about to let him freeze. I'm watching the news as I type this and they're reporting that following this past winter's disastrous lack of preparation for snow clearing, two counties actually bought snow plows. Too bad we don't live in either of those counties, lol. Maybe they will be nice and loan them out? Ha!

Time to catch up on all of you guys in my Reader! Ciao!

Call me Petty

I am irrationally annoyed with my parents so I did the most logical thing and ate the brownie "ribbon" out of their Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie.

That is all.

Yuck!

I guess I take a long time to learn certain lessons.

Time after time, if I am rushed or feeling inconvenienced while out and about, I will try to feed Lincoln formula. It never, ever ends well. Never.

This last time, Lincoln didn't poop for two days, and when he finally did, he was miserable and uncomfortable ALL DAY. The results were...pretty epic. Poor baby! I need to just surrender to his needs and stop what I am doing and nurse him. His second breakfast of the day is during the time we are usually in church on Sundays so I have been relegated to sitting in the nursing "closet" which sucks but is bearable. I really wish they had a chair in their with arms, but the bright side is that I am working on my arm muscles!

Anyway, all this to say, I need to take my cues from Lincoln and work on my stubbornness. No more forcing the formula issue!

Texas State Fair 2011

My parents treated us to the Texas State Fair. I have to say, it didn't live up to my expectations. Granted, is was several times larger than the one I'd attended for years in California, but I think it was too hyped up. These pictures are simply awful, but, they're better than nothing! Since we only went for the food, here is a recap of what we ate:

Fried corn
Fried s'mores
Fried brownies
Brisket tacos
Chicken fried bacon
Frozen Arnold Palmer
Bratwurst
Deep fried margarita (actually, that was only my aunt as I don't consume tequila, ever.)
Rib sandwich (dumbest concept ever, BTW)

The Big Orange Pumpkin Farm

Since Lincoln is still so tiny, we didn't trick-or-treat (obviously) but I did want him to wear a costume to document his first Halloween. I wanted to get him a costume, but to be honest, we have some financial hurdles and there isn't much money to go around to buy one. So! He wore a more age-appropriate "costume" AKA glow in the dark pajamas! Our pumpkin experience was a far cry from what we were used to in California. The extent of our "patch" was usually in the parking lot of the local mall, or Target. Ha! The culture shock never ends around here... This was an actual farm. We rode on a hayride, ate a hot dog and interacted with animals that far exceeded a petting zoo. The owners of the farm are geniuses. For the price of your admission you get a hot dog and feed for the animals. If you visit on a weekday you also got a small pumpkin. They have devised a way to get you to pay directly for their animal feed. Smart business model! Anyway, here are some photos of our day:

3 Months! Wow!

I can't believe my beloved Lincoln is now three months old! He is truly the love of my life! He "talks" up a storm and loves to shove his hands in his mouth. He is right on track develpmentally and I couldn't feel and more blessed to call him my son.




How did my little peanut get so big? Time is flying way too fast! And to think, it all started with the best day of my life:



Here he is at two months, too:



And just for fun, here is what Lincoln really thinks about his monthy photo shoots (or really, any photo I try to take!):

On Bed-Sharing

I jokingly mentioned in my last post about how "awful" bed-sharing is and thought I might elaborate a bit.

I don't actually think it is awful. In fact, Lincoln has slept in our bed quite a bit. I have read all the statistics, I know of all the dangers, and I actually fought the good fight against having him sleep with us, but in the beginning he did spend quite a bit of time with us.

Now, first and foremost, women have been sleeping with their babies since, well, ever, so I know that there is a primal urge for some of us to have our babies close. Secondly, Lincoln is breastfed; according to my research, babies who are bottle fed aren't supposed to bed-share because they are deeper sleepers (or something like that) and less likely to wake when in a precarious sleeping situation.

I am an incredibly light sleeper and if he so much as sighs in his sleep, I wake up. This holds true as he sleeps in his bassinet every night, too. It is actually problematic in terms of me getting consecutive rest, but I'm simply not interested in putting him in his nursery yet. We will be following the American Academy of Pediatrics' recommendation to keep him in our room till he is six months old.

For the majority of the time he slept in our bed, he was in a Nap Nanny. Now, I am sure if someone from their company stumbled upon this post they'd lose their $#!t because the Nap Nanny clearly states it should never be used in a bed. But! With the Nap Nanny between us, there was literally no way in hell it could've tipped over and spilled our most precious contents. It's supposed to be used on the floor but there is no way I'd put my baby on the floor.

Lastly, we never use linens that could smother him, etc. Our bed is a king and Lincoln and I are far sequestered from Rob so I feel it is safe. At this point, because of his reflux, Lincoln doesn't do well sleeping flat so he only comes to bed to nurse when I need a nap during the day. Frankly, I don't sleep well when he is in bed with us because I sleep in a position to shelter and accommodate him, so my back and arms hurt quite a bit. All this to say, we don't bed-share now because it isn't restful, not because I think it is truly awful. OK, there's my peace about that.