Some Relief

Well, I saw the doctor today and I would say it was a good appointment. She told me she doesn't think it is cancer, and that it has nothing to do with any of the other things I was concerned about. She also told me not to stress about my liver enzyme problem.

I am going to get another ultrasound on Tuesday (ugh) and if the polyp is still there, I will have a procedure where they basically put me to sleep and scrape out my insides. Lovely!

I am trying to remind myself to be thankful I live in a country with access to medical care. Could be so much worse. Hopefully the procedure won't be too expensive, as I already have medical bills coming from every direction.

If I needed motivation to get healthy before, I certainly have it now!

Why I Never Blog

So, blogging has really taken a backseat in my life. I had to stop and consider why that is, as I love to write. Writing does SO MUCH for my soul, it is odd to me that I could be able to turn my back on my tiny slice of the internet.

I guess it all boils down to this: I am trying to be a different person. A more positive, thankful person.

That is really difficult to do when bad things are happening. And really, bad things happen to ALL people so it is not like I'm special. I just don't feel like it is appropriate to complain non-stop. I like to read that kind of stuff but I really don't want to burden others with it, or have that become my identity. "Mrs. Herbie the Complainer." Not cute.

But thoughts? I definitely have thoughts!

I went to my OB because I thought I was having hormonal issues. Turns out my liver enzymes are doing weird stuff. But my hormones seem OK.

I've put on too much weight. Again.

My OB ordered an ultrasound. I really figured it would be a formality, not to mention a waste of my time and money. Except, they found something. And now the doctor insists I come in to discuss what they found and "treatment options." Which, hellooooooo scary!

And the timing is off, because for the first time in, well, ever, I feel like I want another baby. But not if I have cancer, and not if I'm too fat to be healthy. Blah, blah, blah.

And in the midst of this we are trying to buy that same house from two months ago. And we had to give up what feels like a lot during our negotiations. So every day I have to drive down to the property to inspect repairs (or lack thereof.) And the entire thing gives me tremendous anxiety, which, is lame considering this is a First World Problem.

Lincoln was injured by another child at music class yesterday and we had to spend $100 we didn't have on various doctors to rule out damage to his cornea. I am still emotionally exhausted from it all.

So, this was my chance to vent/whine. I'm over myself. I know an occasional complaint is healthy, but I want my blog to be about glorifying what is good.

• I am married.
• We are in a position to buy a home. As I have said before, this wouldn't have been possible in California, and certainly not a home of the size/caliber of what we will get here. 
• Lincoln is healthy. 
• Mr. Herbie is gainfully employed and able to support us. 
• There is food on our table, a roof over our head. We were born in a country where we can see a specialist if we need to. We are able to read. The list of crap I take for granted is lonnnnnng, friends. 

I Am Boycotting Buffalo Wild Wings

Let me preface this by saying our food was good. We have actually eaten there several times. However, our experience last night is worth sharing lest anyone else experience an injury while dining there. After our meal, as we were walking through the dining room, my toddler took a nasty spill. My husband immediately picked him up and he was bleeding very badly from his mouth. We sat him down on the counter where they bring people their to-go orders to investigate what had happened. (Were he not injured I would've never sat him on the counter, as I recognize that is unsanitary.) Anyway, he was screaming at the top of his lungs and we were both covered in his blood. Not one single employee offered us assistance. There were several hostesses standing less than 5 feet away, nothing. Two servers walked past, nothing. I spotted a manager about 10 feet away and sent my husband over to ask for some ice so we could see if he was missing a tooth, had just split his lip, etc. There was a lot of blood. When my husband got to the manager, the guy told my husband to try the door by the bar for ice! He didn't offer to get it for him, etc. So my husband walked down to the other door and patiently waited to be acknowledged by the kitchen staff before getting some ice. When your child is screaming in pain and spitting blood, a few minutes feels like eternity. After we finally got him iced and settled down, the "Team Captain" came over and asked, 'Would you like a bag for your boxes?" I was so upset they didn't even acknowledge my son's injury or offer assistance, that all I could say was, 'Are you kidding me? No!' I will admit I left in a huff. Aside from the obvious, that blood is a bio-hazard, a restaurant should be prepared and train their staff to handle emergencies. I wasn't blaming them for his fall, but they could've made the situation a lot less stressful by offering ice, water, ANYTHING. Shameful that they would all turn their heads and pretend to be busy when the restaurant was not even busy. Well, shameful in general. We will not be wasting anymore time or money there. There are plenty of other wing joints who might act like decent human beings when the need arises.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

So, we offered on a second house. Same neighborhood. Same model as the other one, only a little bigger. And then they countered. So we countered. Then they countered again with their final offer. I emailed our realtor a question and am waiting back to hear her answer, since their final offer was very ambiguous regarding one of our requests. But, barring any other random thing that might come up, I think we may be signing a contract this week. Yay! I'm sad to say this, but if we still lived in California this never would've been possible. My formal education is incomplete and I was laid off, and Rob wasn't making as much money there as he does here. Not to mention, his body and his mind are extremely burnt out from being a mechanic. It is time for a change (more on that in another post.) We love California with all our hearts. Our entire lives were there, and in some ways, much of our hearts still are. Knowing we are building a life here without many of our nearest and dearest is still crushing at times. But for Lincoln's sake and our own, we press on. I am doubtful we would ever be able to own a home there, and I want my kid to have memories in a home he can call his own, and that we can make our own. 2012 was literally one of the top three worst of my entire life. I wouldn't wish my 2012 on my worst enemy. But living here in Texas, despite some of the misery we've endured, has brought us to a place where we might be able to do something we never had hope for prior to moving here. And that's got to count for something.

Back to the drawing board

Turns out the realtor we were dealing with on our dream home was Shady McShaderson. While what he did was not illegal, it certainly was unethical. I don't want to get into the entire thing. So, no house for us. Yet. Inventory is super low and I refuse to be rushed so for now we wait till something else we like comes along. As our realtor reminded me today, "Man's rejection is God's protection." So yeah, I just keep telling myself we dodged a bullet.

Why Do People Put Themselves Through This?

Why does anyone ever try to buy a home? The stress and anxiety have given me the equivalent of a week-long colon cleanse! Ugh, ugh, ugh. The obvious answer is that owning property has many more benefits than renting. Yesterday it was looking like the other realtor stalled us to entertain another offer, but then late late last night he emailed to say we are still in the running. So, who knows! The house is almost too good to be true for our first home. I DO know that I do not want to live in a house God doesn't want me in, so I am just trying to hold tight and respect His will. Patience is a virtue, right?

Rough!

Sorry for the unintended break. About a week before Christmas, Lincoln came down sick. He got progressively worse and needed to be hospitalized a few days before Christmas. We finally felt good for about a week, and then New Year's Day, things took another turn. Rob and I met with our realtor to look at homes and I had what I thought was a bad migraine the entire time. By the end of our appointment I could barely see straight. I went to bed early and woke up with terrible sickness from both ends. Ugh, sorry. Just keepin' it real here. Thankfully it seems to be (mostly) a 24-hour bug. I haven't thrown up in a day, and for that I am thankful. Vomiting is the absolute worst. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Now Lincoln has a nasty cold. I will not miss this season! And in other news...we put an offer in on our first house! Squee! Of course, the thought of that is enough to make me want to vomit, too! Ha!

Stoopid Google Blogger

A few years ago during one of the many changes at Google, they did an update to Blogger and asked if I would like to update my dashboard or keep the old style. Being the non-fan of change that I am, I selected the old style. Well, they have gone and changed it again and since I'm old-skewl, my dashboard SUCKS. Like, I can't even spell-check my posts. All my post options are gone. There is no spacing between my paragraphs, etc. Everything is haywire! Does anyone know what to do to fix it? Ugly posts are making me hesitant to post. Bahumbug. Ha! Please send help!

House Hunting

So, we're house hunting and all that jazz. It's about time we lived like grown-ups instead of perpetually renting from my parents. I was just looking at the MLS for our desired areas, and boy is it bad! I would not want to be a realtor! I mean, you shouldn't have to tell people certain things. If you have a mirror on your ceiling in the master, I will not be able to get the image of your constant sexcapades out of my mind. If you have animal feces everywhere or it looks like you have never owned a vacuum, I am going to insist you install new flooring. That hurts your bottom line! I will have a hard time envisioning my own junk in the place if I can't even see the space due to your hoarding piles covering every square inch. Guess it's time to dust off the old imagination! :(

I'm Still Alive

So, 2012 has been one of the most difficult of my life. I have retreated in many aspects, including blogging (obvi.) But, I can't live my life under a rock, and if you'll have me, I'd like to make a return to blogging. I don't have much that I can report on in regards to what, exactly, was sucking the life out of me. But, I am better now. And I am getting better every day. So, I intend to continue writing and continue commenting on your blogs. Love and miss you all!