Random

Here are some tidbits floating in my mind today:

1. Tonight we have our final baby class at the hospital. We have taken quite a few, including Daddy Bootcamp (for Rob), Safety & CPR, and Breastfeeding 101. Tonight is Baby Care, where presumably they will tell us how to prevent dropping him and doing anything else stoopid. The cafeteria at the hospital is locally famous for having delicious food so we are thrilled to be having dinner there again. I know stereotypes abound about hospital food but their is stuff is genuinely delectable. People come from neighboring businesses just to eat there! On the night your baby is delivered they bring you steak and lobster. I, of course, will be on a liquid diet for two days but Rob is sure excited about it. He had a delicious cheese steak at last week's class and I enjoyed strawberry shortcake, LOL.

2. I was telling the ultrasound tech how nervous we are that the baby will be small due to the Heparin. During my weekly ultrasounds they don't measure for his weight because doing so week to week would be pointless. She knows how scared we are so she secretly measured to determine a guess of his weight and had the nurse give it to me. She is estimating him to be 6 pounds, 4 ounces. So tiny! This made me super sad. He doesn't get the benefit of 2 extra weeks in utero, where typically they put on the most weight, so I am bound and determined to do whatever I can to fatten him up.

3. I feel like a bag of bricks. The iron pills were helping for a while but I am hitting the wall quicker each day! I'm sure some of this has to do with being 9 months (tomorrow) and living in 105+ degree heat, but having never been pregnant before I have nothing to compare it to.

4. I realllllly need to stop procrastinating on doing the nursery. An inventory is desperately needed. I have an emotional hang-up on not having the right rug so I can put the furniture in the positions I want so I can start filling drawers. Silly, I know! My nesting instinct sucks! Ha!

5. In other news, I am starting to get super nervous. I can't believe God is going to loan me a baby. I'm so happy I can hardly stand it but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to being terrified, too. I remember a few years ago I saw my friend Carrie before she delivered her daughter. She had that gorgeous pregnancy glow and she was cool, calm and collected. I always hoped I'd be the same. Instead I am sweaty and nervous. Ha!

6. I am nervous to have out-of-town guests so quickly after delivering. I won't be in a position to play tour guide and I feel badly since Rob's brother, in particular, is viewing the trip as a summer vacation. I am also scared to try to learn to mother and nurse with an audience. People keep telling me I will lose all sense of modesty, and in many ways I have lightened up, but I am still nervous about my body being on display.

Spoke Too Soon!

Sheesh, I did all the bragging about how the Heparin wasn't bruising me the way it does so many others, and I end up with this:



I'm not quite sure what happened. I know I first noticed it after having done my injection in a public restroom while standing. Maybe I didn't pinch hard enough? I have definitely noticed that the bigger I get, the less fat I have to inject into, which results in more bruising and lots more pain!

Thankfully I am pretty sure it is not a full-blown hematoma. I will ask at my next appointment if I can start injecting into my thigh.

Big, Fat, FAIL

I forgot to take my morning injection of blood thinners. I feel like an ass, a negligent parent-to-be and an overall failure. I immediately swallowed my pride and called the doctor to try to figure out what the best course of action would be. I could barely get the words out, I just wanted to sob. If it were some minor medication, such as my antacid, I would not put so much stock into it. But blood thinners? Are a BIG friggin' deal! Ugh. I am so ashamed! I'm not even a true parent yet and already I'm failing on a BIG issue.

Oh, Heparin, How You Stress Me

I spoke with my nurse advocate today about my concerns regarding my low platelet count. For those of you that didn't have one, a nurse advocate tracks you during your pregnancy and is available for consultation at any time so you don't have to stress over getting a hold of your doctor, etc. It's a lovely service (she even gave me an impromptu anatomy lesson today, ha!)

Anyway, she educated me on some things that did make me feel better. She concurred with my MIL that the platelet number must not be imperatively low if the doctor feels it is OK to re-check in a month, and not sooner. She also said Heparin is a good medicine because it doesn't cross the placenta, which I had never heard, but which brought me extreme comfort.

The bottom line is, I will ask (again) if it is safe to fly for my baby shower given the newest test results but other than that I will not agonize. I will also leave Dr. Google to his lonesome rather than allow him to send me into a tailspin, which is good protocol anyway! I have a growth ultrasound and I will simply focus on the joy of getting to see my baby another time.

Ugh, Ugh, Ugh

Sometimes it is hard for me to recall what I have already shared, so please hang in there with me. For the sake of finances, I made the decision to stay on Heparin rather than switch back to Lovenox. Unofrtunately, many of my medical decisions have to be made based upon finances, to an extent. Heparin is a far inferior medication and it requires blood testing to monitor your platelets.

Today, the nurse called me out of the blue. She quickly blurted out that my platelet count was low and started to end the conversation. I was caught completely off guard. I stammered out, 'What?' and she replied that for now, the doctor didn't want to do anything other than re-test me in a month. The conversatin was very quick and I was left in shock.

If I'm being honest, because I wasn't expecting the call and because I don't know much about the topic, I didn't really ask any questions. I could kick myself for this.

Here is where things get bad: I made an epic error in judgement and turned to Dr. Google in hopes of determining some questions to ask when I go in on Tuesday. My doctor won't be present but I figured I could ask the nurse and she could have the doctor follow-up on anything she couldn't answer or if she felt the doctor should call me, etc.

I immediately emailed my MIL to ask if she had any questions I should ask. She replied that she thinks it will be OK and that my doctor is following proper protocol. That did make me feel better but I still feel like I should dig a little deeper.

I'm majorly concerned with flying for my baby shower, as flying is how my clotting disorder was initially detected. Ugh, I am so scared and worried. I feel like a schmuck for not asking better questions, such as the obvious, 'What was my number?'

Once again Rob and I had to have the conversation about what to do if something were to happen to me while pregnant. It is an ugly discussion but a necessary one. I am feeling very overwhelmed and frightened right now. My doctor called in some specialty heartburn medicine for me because the indigestion is just awful, and the medicine is not working (yet) so I'm even more on edge. If you have any to spare, would you send me some good thoughts and prayers?

A Letter

Dearest Heparin,

I should've known this whole blood thinner thing was too good to be true. I was so spoiled on the Lovenox-no burning, complications, no bruising. But Heparin, you are a cranky older sister.

I know you are tried-and-true, I know you save lives, I know! But you are a witch!

To quote my husband, it looks like "someone took a paintball gun to my gut!"

And yes, you sting. Don't you know that people don't like to be stung? It hurts!

And lastly, you are not aging well. Most newer medicines come with much more civilized methods of injection. Ever heard of a pre-filled syringe? Fighting your 70's era needle is tiring. The fear of a embolism caused by a rogue bubble has me hesitating to push the syringe.

My dear, God willing, our days are numbered. I appreciate what you mean to my health and that of my baby, but I will not miss you. I am thankful to have had you but will not miss you. The fact that you're chewing my platelets up only to spit them out doesn't bode well with me, either; I'm lethargic because of you!

Please don't consider me an ingrate. I am so grateful for all you're capable of...I just prefer my medicine to come from this century. See you again in June-I sure hope time doesn't fly!

In crankiness,

Casey